Crimewatch Croatia – an encounter with the Croatian “Miami Vice” cop

"do you really wanna go to the police?" asked Flash Gordan

do you really wanna go to the police?” asked Flash Gordan

As explained in our previous post Crimewatch Croatia – where’s the telly? we had to visit the local police station, to report the burglary at our house, as we were going to need to supply a police report for insurance purposes.

At the Police station we approached several officers until we managed to find one without moustache a young one who spoke English and told us we had to wait for an inspector who was out on duty. He was part of the Criminal Police department and would return before 3pm.

As we sat down waiting, our attention was drawn to a man who came in with his little boy, probably 9 or 10 years old, and a shotgun. We understood from the interraction going on with the police officer who had a moustache, that the man was renewing his gun licence, he actually had his gun with him, which to us was a very strange experience, as even police officers in London don’t carry guns!! and the guy even left the gun with the kid and off he went for 10 minutes! (probably for a beer or a pee)

gun licence 2

Anyway we waited and waited, and after almost 2 hours Mr C was quite fedup of waiting, so I drove him home.

I went back to the Police station later and as I was parking the car, another car pulled in next to me, and the two guys in plain clothes who came out and walked to the police station, looked like they’d just stepped off the set of Miami Vice, long hair, dark Rayban sunglasses, designer t-shirt and jeans. The only difference was that instead of driving a Ferrari Daytona Spider or a Ferrari Testarossa, they were driving a Škoda. But they still looked the part, and it turned out that one of them was actually the police inspector I was supposed to report the theft to.

miami vice 3

The cop, who since then I have been calling “Miami Vice” showed me up to his office, in the Criminal Department, and I explained to him what had happened and that I wanted to report the theft from our house. He took copy of my passport, details of the items which were stolen (TV, dvd player, satellite box and i-pod docking station) typed something in his computer and then started using his mobile phone and I thought, that’s rude, he is texting someone while I am sat here in his office?

But after a minute or so, he turned his mobile phone towards me, so I could read the screen, which said something like:

Miami Vice was clearly using his mobile phone to translate from Croatian to English what he wanted to say to me..
I have to take a polygraph test?? but that’s for people who are suspect of murder! I only got my TV stolen” – I said to him quite surprised..(and almost close to tears)I only need to report this theft as I need a Police report for my insurance, can’t you just write a report of what I said?

tap…tap..tap… into the mobile phone again


OK, you can come and have a look at the house, the doors were not broken so we don’t know how the thief came into the house. He asked me who has the keys while we are in the UK, and I explained our keyholder is Flash Gordan and our cleaner also has keys.



WHAT?? NO!!!! Flash Gordan is our friend, for 10 years!!!! Flash Gordan is a superhero, not a villain, no that is not possible!!

Flash Gordan is our FRIEND!!!  this Miami Vice knows nothing!!

Flash Gordan is our FRIEND!!! this Miami Vice knows nothing!!

I was quite shocked and upset that I might give our good friend Flash Gordan some problems with the police. As I was engrossed in my thoughts, another police officer with moustache came in and had a long conversation with Miami Vice, clearly talking about our burglary and mentioning the word “televizia” (TV) quite a few times. They seemed to be talking about which channel was the football on that night discussing the case.

After a while and more tapping in his mobile phone, Miami Vice told me:


So after threatening me with a polygraph test, and saying they would investigate the burglary, he was finally just giving me the report I initially requested? I realised it had all been his tactic (maybe he thought that was a Miami Vice style of interrogation) to show that he was actually doing something and wanted to check how I would react under the pressure of being told to take a polygraph…


OK so all I have to do is come back on Monday with a tax stamp for kn 40 (about 5 euros) and I will get a report? do you think I should change all the door locks and keys to the house?”

and after a bit more tap…tap…tap into the mobile phone, out came the answer..


Getting back to the house with all the information gathered, Mr C and I started playing Inspector Poirot, we put on our Sherlock Holmes hat and eye-piece (we don’t smoke so no pipe was required), and reviewed the information we had gathered:

Miami Vice had said he was pretty sure the thief had not come through the doors (which were all locked) but through a window, especially a PVC one, as other houses had been burgled the same way, coming through the window, and they always took the TV.

detective collage

As Flash Gordan came round for a visit, we asked him if he had found any windows open and he started to curse and said “yes, I thought you people had left the bedroom window open, a few days after you left for London, and I said f***ing stupid Mr C and Ms E, do they wanna get burgled?

We came to the conclusion that the burglar must have come through the small bathroom window, and by doing so must have put a foot on the towel rail below it, which broke in the middle and almost came off the wall as it was just hanging from the rawplugs.

The bathroom window was too small to get out of and also too small for our big TV, the burglars must have gone to the rear of the house, open the big bedroom window and left with their loot, they really had a field day with lots of treasures, our TV, satellite box, dvd player and ipod docking station… they probably thought Christmas had come early for them! and they obviously could not close the window from the outside, and this is why Flash Gordan found it open.

babysitterSo now every time we leave our holiday home we dismantle everything, and take all our electronics and valuables to a friends house for safe-keeping until we are back next time.
Gives a new meaning to “baby-sitting” but at least we won’t have to replace everything.

We’ll just have to remember, next time we go to Croatia, if we ask ourselves “where’s the telly?” that we should not go to see Miami Vice, but collect the TV from our friends.


Filed under Renovations

15 responses to “Crimewatch Croatia – an encounter with the Croatian “Miami Vice” cop

  1. Oh my gosh! What a tale. YOu must have been so upset, I am so sorry this happened to you. Seems you can’t escape drug addicts no matter where you are. I hope all went okay with the insurance. Hugs.

  2. Miami Vice tactics indeed! And I like the way Google Translate bridged the language gap! Oh, and the Škoda…lol!

  3. Funny story but sad really that you have to go to all that trouble to safeguard your possessions!

    • thanks Andrew, unfortunately I think it’s common where there are holiday homes which are closed for few month in the year. At least they didn’t break too much, but it’s not nice feeling of someone coming into your home.

  4. Can’t wait for the next episode, including great graphics and a real cliff hanger (am already hearing that tune again).
    Nevertheless feel sorry for you, but no one was hurt, the insurance will have a (tiny little) less profit, and suppose you and your guests still love to be in paradise.
    One simple tip: make it less easy to enter, install some sensor activated spotlights, and put a note (in Croatian) on every opening of the house saying “if drugs don’t kill you, we will, JEBENTI BOGA TI”.
    Ah….., and grow your own moustache C, just in case.

  5. What an adventure… it’s rubbish having to take all the valuables out of your house (that’s what we do at the moment too after our burglary last summer), but at least you won’t have to worry about anything being stolen now. I love Miami Vice’s use of Google Translate ;-)

  6. Maybe you need a full-time resident? (Me, me, pick me!)

  7. Tina

    It’s kind of unbelievable that the burden of proof is assigned to the victims. I also don’t really believe many people with holiday homes go through the trouble to make false statements.

    • I agree, we had better things to do than spend hours at the local police station, of course we were giving a truthful statement! (mind you, going to the police station was the source of fun blogging material…) ;)

  8. How bizarre!! I wonder how the story would have turned out if you’d actually taken the lie detector test??? The worst thing for me in this kind of situation is having people you trust suddenly being implicated … not nice. Still, as you say at least it gave you something colourful to write about!!

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